Not Gonna Be a Toys R Us Kid
by misskaterinab
Summary: Kurt and Blaine go to Toys R Us. Shenanigans ensue. One-shot.


**This is just a stupid little one shot I wrote to try to get over some writers block I'm having (the Pavarotti's Legacy boys won't talk to me right now - thank goodness for a large stockpile of material already in the reserves!). It has nothing to do with my other stories - just a goofy little idea I had. Hope you enjoy!  
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"My cousin's kid's 4th birthday is this weekend. Wanna come help me pick out a present?" Blaine asked Kurt.

Kurt, being game for just about anything that put him in Blaine's company, immediately accepted the invite. The boys hopped in Blaine's car and drove to Toys R Us.

"So, what are we looking for, Blaine?"

"This is my cousin Cara's daughter Katie. According to Cara, Katie is into pretty much anything girly. Dress up, dolls, kitchen stuff, My Little Pony, Strawberry Shortcake, anything. If it's cute and/or has an overabundance of pink, she likes it."

"So of course you brought along the girliest person you could think of to do your shopping for you, right?" Kurt said, rolling his eyes.

"NO! No, Kurt, that's not it at all. I just thought we could spend time together, I totally didn't mean to imply anything!"

Kurt enjoyed watching Blaine backpedal, trying to dig himself out of a hole he wasn't actually in, but Blaine didn't know that.

"Are you done?" he asked Blaine.

"Done with what?" Blaine asked cluelessly.

"Done trying to get yourself out of trouble you're not in?"

"Wait… what?"

"I'm just teasing you, Blaine. I love shopping the girls toys section. This gives me an excuse to hang out and closely peruse the merchandise. That bitch Barbie has everything. I'm always interested in seeing what else she's acquired since the last time I looked."

Blaine laughed heartily. "Thank God. I HATE shopping in the girls toys."

Kurt raised his eyebrow. "You LIE, my love. You totally enjoyed picking out that pink feather boa from the dress up section last time we were here."

Blaine blushed. "Oh yeah… I forgot about that. Um, we should probably buy another one of those while we are here."

Grinning, Kurt remembered how the boa had met its demise not too long ago. Blaine got a little too rambunctious when he had discovered that Kurt was wearing ONLY the boa and POOF, the boa was nothing but a hot pink cloud of swirling feathers. They would need to choose something a little more durable next time, he decided.

"I don't know, baby. The ones here don't look very strong. They may not survive your… excitement."

If it was possible for Blaine to get any redder, he would have right then. As it was, his face was already practically burgundy.

"Can we just get on with picking out a toy for Katie and get out of here, please?" Blaine begged.

Kurt teased him further by humming the chorus of the song _When I Get You Alone_, and Blaine threatened to never speak to him again. Kurt goaded him even more, knowing it would never happen. Blaine stomped off into the doll aisle, and Kurt decided to let him cool off. In the Disney aisle, he found a fabulous dress up trunk with all the princesses' dresses in it. He snatched it up and bounded into the aisle where Blaine was still sulking.

"Blaine! Blaine! Blaine! Look at this! You have to get it! It's got ALL the princesses' dresses in it! Oh wait, it doesn't have wigs or shoes or accessories. Oooh! I think I remember seeing a box of matching shoes! Here!" He shoved the trunk in Blaine's hands. "I'll go get them!" Kurt scurried back to the Disney aisle. Blaine still wasn't sure what whirlwind had flown by.

A grandmotherly woman was standing in the aisle along with Blaine and had noticed Kurt's abundant enthusiasm over the dress up clothes.

"He's adorable," she said. "Are you two together?"

Blaine smiled softly. "Yup, that's my man. He's a handful!"

"He sure looks it, but it looks like you two probably never have a dull moment."

"This is true!"

Kurt ran back to the aisle with the box of princess shoes, almost falling when his shoes slipped on the tile. Blaine dropped the trunk on the floor and caught Kurt before he could take a header into a display of Cabbage Patch Kids. The woman laughed and called, "Good luck with him!" to Blaine before she continued on with her shopping.

"You okay, love?" Blaine asked the boy in his arms.

"Thanks to you, yes, I'm amazing," Kurt replied.

"Yep, you sure are. Come on, we'll get these things, but I wanna go look at the rest of the toys."

"I thought you wanted to get Katie's present and get out of here."

"That was when you were teasing me relentlessly. Are you going to be nice to me now that I saved your life?"

"Saved my life? Pfft. Maybe saved me from a minor plastic surgery bill by keeping my face out of the display racks, but life? I don't know about that one."

"Life, wallet, whatever. Come on, Kurt! I want to see if they have any Harry Potter wands!"

Blaine grabbed Kurt's hand and dragged him to the Harry Potter section where yes, they did indeed have Harry Potter wands. Blaine eagerly pulled one off the rack and hugged it to himself. Kurt was a little bit concerned about his Harry Potter obsession, but he said nothing, realizing immediately that it was pointless. Best to let the boy have his fun.

The next aisle had Star Wars toys. They picked up the clone blasters and staged a mock battle. Unfortunately for the rest of the shoppers, the blasters came complete with obnoxious _pew pew_ sound effects and very quickly began to give everyone headaches. They tossed the blasters to the side and went into the next aisle where they had a display of Paper Jamz, which were fake guitars with sound chips built in. Loving anything that had to do with music and musical instruments, Blaine began to rock out with a paper guitar while Kurt looked on, half in adoration, and half in embarrassment.

"Blaine, honey? Come on, I love you, but you kind of look like an idiot right now."

Blaine reluctantly allowed himself to be dragged away from the faux instruments to a display of arts and crafts kits. "Really, Kurt? Isn't your tackle box full of sequins and rhinestones full enough?"

"No, it's not. I used up a lot of stuff decorating Pavarotti's casket. Now hush and let me look at this stuff in peace." After choosing a ridiculously large jar of neon blue glitter and clear gemstones, Kurt and Blaine began to head to the front of the store. On their way they passed a motorized scooter that looked like a Harley Davidson motorcycle.

"Ooooooohhhhhh that's COOL!" Blaine gushed. "I want that!" He zipped up his leather jacket and pulled his pink sunglasses down to his eyes from the top of his head and sat on the scooter. "I bet I look badass right now, don't I?"

Blaine revved the little scooter engine and it took off without any warning. Almost immediately, he and the scooter crashed into a giant metal cage full of bouncy balls. The cage broke and every last bouncy ball bounced down the aisles of the store. Blaine sat on the floor at the base of the ball cage with his beloved pink glasses cracked and askew and a large goose egg forming on his head. A few feet away, the scooter lay on its side, wheels still spinning.

"More like dumbass if you ask me, sweetie," Kurt said through giggles. He reached a hand down to Blaine to help him stand as a manager and a store security person came rushing to the scene.

"Are you okay, young man?" the manager asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I bumped my head, but it doesn't feel like anything too serious."

The security officer said, "We'll need to fill out an accident report and take some pictures for our insurance. If you're sure you're all right, please meet us up front by customer service and we'll take care of it there."

Kurt and Blaine gathered the items they wanted to purchase and brought them to the registers. By the time they had checked out, the manager met them at the service desk. He had a digital camera with him and took a couple of pictures of Blaine.

"If you're taking pictures of my head for insurance purposes, don't worry. I plan on going through my own insurance to get this checked out. It may have been on your property, but the stupidity was all mine."

The manager nodded and mumbled something that Blaine didn't hear. He didn't seem to be paying Blaine much attention. He had the camera hooked up to the computer at the service desk and was uploading pictures.

By the time Blaine had filled out his portions of the accident report, multiple sheets of paper had come out of the printer. "Jane, would you mind taking these papers and hanging one up at each of the registers?" the manager asked.

"Yes, sir," she replied. She took the first sheet of paper and hung it up at the service desk register, right in front of Blaine's eyes. It had a photo of Blaine and it read, "BANNED FOR LIFE: Blaine Anderson. If you spot this individual in our store, please contact security immediately and have him escorted off the premises."

Blaine's jaw dropped, and Kurt dropped to his knees in hysterical laughter. It was several minutes later that he was calm enough to follow Blaine out of the store. They got in Blaine's car, and Blaine chanced a look at Kurt. Kurt's eyes were sparkling, and he was biting his lower lip so hard that Blaine was surprised he hadn't yet drawn blood. As it was, his lip was almost totally white where he was biting it.

"All right, all right. Out with it. You know you want to," Blaine sighed. Kurt burst out into laughter again and laughed until tears steadily streamed down his face. When he was finally able to catch his breath, he said, "I'm so sorry honey, I just… only YOU would be crazy enough to get yourself banned from a TOY STORE for life! Where are we going to buy our feather boas NOW?"


End file.
